Excerpt from “Double Booked”
SETTING: The lobby of Harper’s Haven, a quaint but cluttered bed and breakfast.
Center stage: worn couch, mismatched armchairs, small coffee table with a dubious tray of muffins.
Upstage: modest reception desk with a bell that sticks.
Stage left: kitchen door with a swinging hinge that squeals like a gossip.
Upstage left: staircase to guest rooms.
Downstage right: front door, visible to audience.
Faint smell of burnt toast lingers like a bad decision.
(Lights low. MILES is crossing from couch to desk with a clipboard. SFX: doorbell chime. The front door opens, and VERONICA sweeps in from outside, already filming on her phone. She positions herself to get the desk in frame.)
MILES
(to audience, dry)
And here’s Veronica Vance, our first guest-slash-critic-slash-uninvited marketing department.
VERONICA
(to phone)
Veronica Vance, Harper’s Haven review, day one. Vibe check: quaint, slightly musty, potential for drama.
(Behind the desk, JANET looks up from a neatly stacked pile of papers she’s been smoothing for the third time. She smiles tightly.)
JANET
(smiling tightly)
Welcome, Veronica. Let me know if you need anything... other than content. (to MILES, sotto) Harold’s upstairs rehearsing something dramatic — don’t ask. (beat)
(LIGHTS UP. SFX: kettle whistle from the kitchen, overlapped with the tiniest chirp of a smoke alarm. JANET glances toward the kitchen but stays at the desk. MILES plops cross-legged onto the couch, flipping through a B&B magazine. VERONICA perches on the arm of the couch, scrolling and still filming intermittently.)
MILES
“Guests enjoy complimentary earplugs for authentic creaky floorboards.”
JANET
Those aren’t complementary, they’re self-defense.
VERONICA
No new drama in the feed. It’s unsettling.
(Greg strolls in from stage left, leaps onto the desk, and begins slowly pushing the guestbook toward the edge.)
JANET
Don’t you dare.
(Greg pushes it anyway. It lands with a loud thud. MILES applauds softly.)
MILES
Another decisive veto from the mayor.
Excerpt from “Magret’s Misstep”
(L1. Morning light. The lobby of Lavigne’s Boarding House. MADAME LAVIGNE polishes the desk placard. GASTON dusts with suspicious diligence. The COAT RACK already leans dangerously.)
MADAME LAVIGNE
If dust were a tenant, Gaston, I would have evicted it years ago.
GASTON (cheerfully)
Impossible, Madame. Dust pays better than some tenants.
MADAME LAVIGNE
Not a word against my establishment. We are respectable. We are reputable. We are—
(YVETTE bursts in through the street door; S1 tinkle. She tosses a scarf onto the coat rack. It collapses in a glorious swoon.)
YVETTE (grandly)
—tragic!
MADAME LAVIGNE
My coat rack!
GASTON (to the audience, confiding)
It does that when it senses drama.
YVETTE
Good morning, beloved fellow citizens of the arts! I bring scenes, soliloquies, and a pastry box. (holds up box) For morale.
MADAME LAVIGNE
Food in the lobby is against Regulation… (squints at placard) …six? Seven? The one about crumbs.
GASTON
If crumbs pay rent, I’ll make up a bed for them.
YVETTE (to the box)
Hush, little tarte, your time will come on the barricades of our bellies.
(A brisk knock at the street door; before anyone can respond, INSPECTOR MAGRET strides in, pipe, hat, trench—then trips over the fallen coat rack and flops onto the sofa.)
MAGRET (from pillows)
I meant to do that. A test of…the sofa.
MADAME LAVIGNE
Inspector Magret! If you came to test furniture, take the wardrobe in Room 3—the hinges complain less than I do.